This Week's Topic: You're not a failure
Wise words to your past self and those who are struggling
The Key to Success is Great Reasonable Expectations
We're told from the cradle to aim high and dream big. Nothing is unattainable if we put our heart into it. That's charming advice for inspiration and aspiration. It's not so great for implementation. Our big dreams tend to ignore the necessary micro steps. Thus, before we even begin, we've set ourselves up for frustration, disappointment, and...failure. When things don't unfold as we imagined, we deem ourselves incompetent and spiral into surrendering our lofty aspirations. We limp away, defeated, relegating ourselves to the status of a dreamless cog.
How heartbreaking.
The major flaw in our Grand Plan wasn't that we were stupid. We simply made a mistake. We kept the view at 5,000ft when we had to take the footpath. We didn't plant for the weather, enemy, and terrain. We disregarded our physical and emotional limitations. We didn't acquire the necessary foundational knowledge in advance, so we didn't know what we didn't know. When we don't know better, we don't do better. We sabotaged ourselves from the get-go by setting unrealistic expectations.
Failing to achieve a goal does not equal being a failure.
We are allowed to make mistakes. Mistakes are a measure of progress, even when we have to take a few steps back to modify our path. Our mistake taught us to take a different fork in the road. Sure, we suffered a loss or two, but time spent learning isn't time wasted. As long as we are willing to reflect on where and how we went wrong, we can revise our plan to correct what we can control. This is how we learn to create reasonable expectations for ourselves and others.
We succeed when we do our best. It's fine to compare ourselves to others, but it's not okay to punish ourselves for not achieving their success. It's human nature to gauge our place in family, community, and career through comparisons. We use the experiences of others to identify the milestones on our chosen path, and we strive to achieve similar goals in order to keep ourselves motivated; in order to reward ourselves for the small accomplishments along with the big ones. However, learning, truly learning, means we take in information, analyze it, process it against all our other knowledge and experience, and then customize it before applying it to our circumstances and our individual quirks.
Author, Know Thy Self
In a creative field like ours, it is critical to understand ourselves. Only through recognizing our strengths and foibles, our motivations and distractions, our procrastination triggers and our manic gateways can we set reasonable expectations for ourselves. We are not Nora Roberts nor are we James Patterson. Their methods and their paths are not ours. We are our own delightful oddities and our paths to success are as unique as we are. We are accountable to ourselves. We define what success is for us. The success we define is attainable when we have reasonable expectations of ourselves.
We are not failures.
We are Works in Progress.
