Three Tips for Staying Grounded in a Crazy World

Happy New Year, everyone, and welcome to 2018!

I feel confident in putting this as a fait accompli, even though I'm writing this midday on 12/31/17 because I imagine most of you will be reading this in 2018, or as near to it as functionally doesn't matter. I'm also confident that 2018 will arrive, which hasn't always been the case.

It's funny looking back at the turn of the millennium and thinking the whole banking/computer change from a two-digit year to a four-digit year was the worst thing that could happen... I look forward to the day when we can look back, shake our heads at the 2016 election, and trade our "where were you when you found out Trump was actually elected?" stories.

Until then, we do what we can to resist an increasingly authoritarian regime while still keeping our sanity. Thus, my take on this week's topic: Keeping Your Sanity: 3 Things You Do To Stay Balanced/Grounded/In Control.

While resistance is critical, so is keeping our sanity. In fact, it's important to keep grounded, in balance, and at peace with ourselves, in order to resist from a foundation of strength. There's a reason sleep-deprivation is a tried-and-true brainwashing technique: because exhaustion lowers our defenses. Being healthy and at peace is key to everything else we wish to accomplish.

I've counseled more than one friend in the following. One was having nightmares about being in a nuclear war with North Korea. Another had become depressed and anxious with all the political changes and programs being cut and destroyed entirely. So, here are three ways I keep myself balanced and grounded.

Stay Away from the News

Seriously. This is the first thing I told my friends above. I truly believe part of the reason things seem so awful is the sensationalistic news media and the echo chamber of social media. I know a lot of people regard it as their responsibility to "stay informed." There are three problems here:

1. There are major forces wanting to control what we're informed of
2. News shows on TV are about entertainment. They skew to shocking and exciting content
3. This has been exacerbated by click-bait headlines and the availability of news on our phones, etc. 

The news on TV and on social media is, by its very nature, sensationalized. Choose a reliable newspaper to read. If you want news from Twitter, carefully choose who you follow for it. Look for reliable sources. I also give you permission - *waves permission wand* - not to look at all. (See Make Your Life a Paradise.) At the very least, stop reading articles on your phone to kill time. That's setting yourself up for the most sensationalized, most upsetting news without deep understanding or context. Remember when we used to see waiting rooms as an opportunity to read books? See next.

Deep Read*

That's my mom in the pic above. We spent some time over Christmas just sitting in the sun and reading. She has a lovely patio for it. But now that I'm home, I'm spending time in my favorite armchair, reading by the fire. The benefits of deep reading have been well documented. (I'm using it here to mean reading a narrative, as opposed to reading Facebook posts, Tweets, etc. I really don't think reading on a paper book vs. an ereader makes a difference, so long as I'm reading without interruption.) It's more than me being an author and being a fan of reading in general. (Buy my book!) Reading is relaxing, restorative, hones the intellect, and gives us time away from all the voices. It's also a skill that's easy to lose in our current culture of So Many Things shrieking for a piece of our attention.

I've been reading Robin Hobbs' SHIP OF MAGIC, which is *long* - 880 pages in paperback, though I'm reading in digital. At first I felt impatient with the slow, elaborate pace. As I've settled in, I'm remembering how much I loved fat books in my youth. The more pages, the better, because I could enjoy them longer. I don't have data to back it up, but I'm pretty confident in saying that my reading declined immensely with my increasing involvement with social media. Time I once spent buried in a book, I began to spend scrolling Facebook and Twitter.

Recently I've made several changes. I've removed Facebook and Twitter notifications from my phone. I've taken them both off my array of tabs to display when I open my web browser.

(I realize this is a total reversal because I used to tell people who said "I always forget to check Facebook," to make it one of their home pages. Don't. Run away. Look at it if you like, because it's still the best way to keepup with some people, but choose when.)

I've also gone back to an ereader (a paperwhite, which I'm loving) that has no functions for people to message, text or otherwise interrupt me while I'm reading. I can feel the difference in myself as my attention span relaxes.

*One note on deep reading: I've noticed, and a number of other people I've talked to have noticed, that at first it's difficult to get back into deep reading. It's as if we've lost the "muscle" for it. Start back slowly and give it time. We've all found that the more we practice, the better it feels.

Make Your Life a Paradise

Alert readers might notice I left out "in control." That's because I think control is elusive and must be judiciously sought. As far as national politics are concerned, we have very little control. We can vote and campaign for our candidates. We can donate to campaigns. We can participate in our communities. Fretting about North Korea? Not really in our control.

So, this is my best advice: take action, then walk away and work on your own life.

For example, because it's become clear to me that senators elected in other states will influence my life in profound ways - like whether or not I can afford health insurance - I donated to Doug Jones' campaign in Alabama. I felt good about that action. Immediately, however, the campaign began sending me emails - every couple of hours - with hysterical doomsday headlines. They wanted me to contribute more. But I had already taken my action. And I could feel just the subject lines upsetting me. So I labeled them spam and didn't look at another email from them. I'm delighted to report that Jones won! One small step. I took my action and got the result I wanted.

The walking away and working on my own life? That's key.

I mentioned above about turning off notifications. I'm selective about who can grab my attention. Bigger than this, however, is the idea that if each of us made ourselves and our lives a paradise, then by extension, the world would be, too.

I make a lot of choices for personal happiness. To the extent I can, I focus on doing what brings joy and beauty to both my life and the world. This includes friends, family, the organizations I volunteer for, and in the books I write. I find that if I enjoy my daily life to the utmost, I worry much less about the larger world. Which I can't control anyway.

This last is the foundation of being grounded and at peace for me. It really works.

And, at the risk of being accused of having lured you here for marketing purposes... if you do want to read, Smashword’s is having a site-wide promotion! https://www.smashwords.com
This is only good through January 1, 2018, so I felt I should tell you now, just in case!

Procrastination Advantage

Procrastination is defined as the act of postponing or delaying something.

Resistance is defined as the refusal to accept or comply with something; the attempt to prevent  something by argument or action. Or in a writer's case - inaction.

Which, when you think about it, is really what's going on with procrastination. We're postponing (and/or preventing) the work. I think of procrastination as a symptom of resistance. It's a non-useful safety mechanism, some primordial brain space activating when we contemplate pursuing something that matters to us. Steven Pressfield has built a career out of describing resistance and has specific advice for combating it.

But are there times that procrastination is an advantage? Maybe. In rare circumstances. But let's be clear. 'Advantage' is pushing it, in my opinion, because I have to say that procrastination feels TERRIBLE. It's an awful place to be. So any benefit it confers is weighed against chest crushing pressure it exerts. These are the rare circumstances where the advantage of procrastination edges past its ickiness.

1. Procrastination is a symptom of an ailment. Not mine. A book's. Procrastination can be a little bit like waking up with a sore throat. It *could* just be a silly thing that will go away after a cup of tea. Or it could be strep. For me, if I go two days procrastinating, then my book probably has strep. Diagnosing the problem can take days. DAYS. Because it means disengaging from a novel in progress enough to get the 10,000 foot view so I can ID what's wrong. The problem could be in the previous chapter, or it could be in the first part of the story. Once I figure out the problem, it may take another couple of days to work out how to fix it. Only then can I move on. This is procrastination acting as a signpost that says "Hey, dummy, here be plot hole!" Let's not get into the psychological reasoning behind why my brain cannot possibly leave that stuff until the editing phase.

2. Procrastination as means of knitting up a raveling brain. Modern life is full of distractions, noise, and demands on our time. You know. Your beloved can't find his or her car keys. One kid is having a melt down about the diorama due in history tomorrow (no, of course he hasn't started it), another is going to starve to death RIGHT THERE on the kitchen floor if food isn't shoved at her this instant, and the dog just threw up all over your dining room carpet. And you're trying to write. Our brains become noisy, crowded places when we're juggling all of the roles adulthood requires. Procrastination is occasionally a means by which we let some of the excess sturm und drang ooze out our ears. It's meaningless activity meant to soothe some of the frayed and ragged edges so we can restore mental silence and focus. If that's the case, directing procrastination activities to that end (meditation work, working out, going for a walk in nature - alone) can actually get you back to work faster than if you just try to suck up the randomization and work through it.

3. Procrastination as serendipity. This one hasn't yet happened to me. I've only heard about it happening to someone else who had a contract for a project that she just kept dragging her feet on. This frustrated her no end and she could never articulate why she had so much trouble approaching the work. She liked the story and liked the work she'd done to win the contract, so what was going on? Just as she bit the bullet to call her editor so she could beg for a deadline extension, word came that the house had closed. She ended up feeling like she'd dodged a bullet. Now who can say whether she, on some level, saw and registered the warning signs of a publisher in trouble and then signed with them anyway - or if the whole thing was a coincidence. She did write the book thereafter and ended up self publishing it.

I've heard it said that procrastination is your subconscious extending you a vote of no confidence. If you're procrastinating, it's because you don't have a goal and a plan in place to get you to it.

Is that true do you think?