Showing posts with label what's on my mind. Show all posts
Showing posts with label what's on my mind. Show all posts

Friday, December 22, 2023

Winter Solstice What's on My Mind

Blessed Winter Solstice. On my mind today - Time. 

Time in all its complexity and in its simplicity. We brought in a tea advent calendar from Friday Tea in Seattle. We're counting down to Christmas with a different tea each day. We also brought in a wooden puzzle advent calendar. These simple time keepers were an attempt to handle one of our more complicated time issues - family.

My father received news from his doctor this year that no one wants to receive from a doctor. We're all aware that as we count down to Christmas this year, we're also counting down how many more Christmases we'll have together. It's a fact of life, of course, but no one has to like it, and we don't. So we're focused on connection, on creating moments for slowing down, for pausing and looking around. We're concentrated on creating enjoyment. The puzzle has been a surprisingly good way to do all of that. Dad isn't fond of the holidays to begin with, so we were pleasantly surprised when he opted to engage with the puzzle advent calendar with us. Well timed batches of holiday cookies have helped a little, too.

I'm making some of my family's favorite things to eat, of course. The holidays are time for me to try new recipes simply because I enjoy experimenting. I'm contemplating how to create more time and space in my life for my dreams and my ambitions. During this solstice season, I'm pausing, taking a full, deep breath and holding it in the depths of the dark while I look around with eyes not clouded by my breath in the cold night. Solstice night is the time to leave behind the parts of me that no longer serves me. Time to strike the match and light the midwinter fire. This is the doorway out of shadow into light.

It's time to realize that our lives are advent calendars counting down the clock of our existence. What matters to us can no longer wait. 

Friday, October 14, 2022

Changing of Seasons

Change is on my mind. I wish I could say it's just for this week, but that would be a lie. It's an ongoing theme this month. And sure. I get change is a constant. this isn't the gentle turning of the leaves from summer green to fall flame. I'm talking about the sharp lurches change sometimes takes - the tectonic jolt when the continent of the past slips reluctantly beneath the continent of the future.

This week, the day job asked me to go from being a full time, salaried employee with benefits to an on-call hourly with no bennies. Meaning I'll only work (and get paid) when the company has the work for someone with my skill set. I'd like to think it's a good thing for writing, even if it means a little belt tightening. However, it leads me to the next change.

The elderly parents are struggling more and more. Dad's really terrible anemia has been aided with a transfusion. A consult with a specialist has assured us it isn't a blood cancer. YAY! It does mean that he's bleeding internally somewhere and now begins the rapid fire, extensive search for that bleed. Glad the doctors are handling it, but it does mean I'm picking up all the work my mother has been helping with around the house so she can run my father all over Florida while this gets worked out.

Then the kicker. I watched a video that called into question what I write and how I write it. It has me thinking. Hard. About what I write. Why I write it. Where I put my energy and how much of that I'm willing and able to change. It has me thinking about how I want my future to look. And it has me thinking about how much change I am personally going to embrace to shape my future into a form that pleases me both now and in that future. No spoilers, but my favorite line from the video is this: You past need not be a predictor of your future.

 Change should always walk hand in hand with hope. Even if sometimes the adage is true that Autumn is about to show us how beautiful it can be to let go.

Friday, July 3, 2020

Surrender Boxes

Surrender Boxes

Note: This post is NSFW. Or much else, really.

Now is the pandemic of our discontent made glorious treasonous activities by our 'acting' government; And the blade racism and brutality lour'd upon our Black and Brown siblings in the broad light of day now in our bosoms buried.

So not doing this for an entire blog post. I'm sure my main point is clear. 2020 sucks so far and if I could go full-on Karen and speak to the manager, I'd return this nonsense and get my money back. No. Y'know what? Keep the money. Just. Take back the covidiots and murder hornets. The rest might be manageable. Maybe. Instead, I'm stuck inside, working from home, with elderly, frail parents under my roof in a state where precious few people seem to have two brain cells to rub together to keep warm. Most especially about science. But okay. So I'm a little rage-y and angsty and anxiety ridden these days. Between the news and doom scrolling, who isn't? Honestly. I'm tired enough at this point that ending up like Richard the III, buried beneath someone's car park, doesn't sound all that bad.

The problem is, we're all emotionally exhausted, but few of us can sleep. Let me introduce you to Surrender Boxes. Surrender boxes can be actual physical boxes you use (search, you'll find all the New Age-y type boxes available). The notion is simple. You write down what's bugging you and you drop that into the surrender box, close the lid and walk away. Stupidly simple right? Well. It gets simpler. You don't need a physical box or to write anything if (also like me) you're uber lazy. Build a mental one. Gather up all the crap rolling around in your head. Mentally stuff it in the box, close the lid, tell yourself there's nothing that can be done about those issues right this second, anyway, and that's it. Go to sleep. The kicker is that it's effective. There are a few psychology articles available but for the most part they skate uncomfortably close to religions that are not mine that I prefer not to link them.

It's a great exercise to be tossing and turning in bed with a thousand worries and thoughts racing, then to gather those all up in a great mental armful and chuck them into cold storage. I'm in bed. What the hell am I going to do about those issues *right at that moment* anyway? That's right. Nothing. So surrender them. Pick them up in the morning. They're still in the box. Only. They'll have shifted and transformed.

That's the beauty of surrender boxes. They change things. I have a short vampire novel fast drafted. Beta readers all hit me on one major part of the story. I finally said, "I don't have the time or the chops to fix this." But it BUGGED me. Stuffed it in a surrender box last night. This morning, it emerged. Fixed.

Here's how someone else used their surrender box to build a sublime piece of art and The Official Theme Song for 2020: