This week, the day job asked me to go from being a full time, salaried employee with benefits to an on-call hourly with no bennies. Meaning I'll only work (and get paid) when the company has the work for someone with my skill set. I'd like to think it's a good thing for writing, even if it means a little belt tightening. However, it leads me to the next change.
The elderly parents are struggling more and more. Dad's really terrible anemia has been aided with a transfusion. A consult with a specialist has assured us it isn't a blood cancer. YAY! It does mean that he's bleeding internally somewhere and now begins the rapid fire, extensive search for that bleed. Glad the doctors are handling it, but it does mean I'm picking up all the work my mother has been helping with around the house so she can run my father all over Florida while this gets worked out.
Then the kicker. I watched a video that called into question what I write and how I write it. It has me thinking. Hard. About what I write. Why I write it. Where I put my energy and how much of that I'm willing and able to change. It has me thinking about how I want my future to look. And it has me thinking about how much change I am personally going to embrace to shape my future into a form that pleases me both now and in that future. No spoilers, but my favorite line from the video is this: You past need not be a predictor of your future.
Change should always walk hand in hand with hope. Even if sometimes the adage is true that Autumn is about to show us how beautiful it can be to let go.
Marcella, thank you so much for your post and for including the Youtube link. It did shake me too, but it's actually a bit freeing to know that I'm not responsible for doing everything right to make "success." I spend a lot of time worrying about finding that formula, when I should be spending more time trying and failing and maybe even having fun. But this might be easier for me than for some, because my day job is very stable and I'm not dependent on my writing to put food on the table. Anyway, just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed your post and learned from the podcast.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I'm sad/glad that I wasn't the only one feeling a little called out by the video. :) I found it freeing, too. Even if my day job isn't as reliable as I might have originally thought.
DeleteI loved this video, too! (Sympathies on the day job - ugh) I shared it in several places because I feel Becca in this. I see so many authors dashing out their brains trying to emulate the "success formula," when there is no such thing. I shared this in several places, too :-)
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