Fail Big

The most profound thing for me to say about failure comes from gaming. Big surprise, I know. It's from an old guild leader. He said: 

If you ain't dyin', you ain't tryin' 

 

Good advice in a situation where there are only pixels on the line, I suppose. But honestly, after the 12th wipe of a raid when you're trying to get everything just right, having the permission to relax into the ridiculousness of what you're attempting to accomplish changes EVERYTHING.

Any failure that is nonfatal is a chance to learn and grow. According to Carol Dweck (check out her book Mindset) how we view failure has a profound impact on whether we do succeed or fail over the course of life, love, and business. Those of us with a Fixed mindset are afraid of failure because we're certain it shows up our short-comings. Those of us with a Growth mindset might not relish failure, but we embrace it as an opportunity to learn something new. Not surprisingly a Growth mindset sets us up with far greater odds for success over time. And the good news is that you can change your mindset. It's in the book. I'm not rewriting it here. 

So maybe don't go looking for failure in say, cave diving, or free climbing El Capitan just yet. Scale the fail. Where physical safety isn't on the line, dare to fail big. The risk should be just enough to give you a little anxiety but not quite enough to keep you up nights. Not many, anyway. You're learning stuff. You need your sleep.

Epic fails, little fails...you've got to face them all.

I can’t count the number of things that I’ve failed at…and I’m a type A, will-do-everything-to-get-it-right kind of person! So it’s a little funny that I decided to become a writer because it’s upped my fails exponentially. 

Usually, when you do something over and over, you tend to get better at it. I guess you can say I’m getting better at failing, but it’s really one of those things that’s messy/ugly no matter how it happens. Life lessons are usually messy and ugly. 

My most recent read, I CAN’T MAKE THIS UP: LIFE LESSONS by Kevin Hart, ended up being pretty timely for this week. If you haven’t read it, it’s funny and inspirational, you should definitely check it out. Hart’s humor shines in this book, but it’s his outlook on life and the lessons he’s learned that really resonated with me. 

“One of the key factors for success—beyond work, talent, timing, relationships, and all the other qualities I’ve mentioned—is the glue that holds all of these together: commitment.” 

(page 160, I Can’t Make This Up)

Sticking with something isn’t a new idea, I wouldn’t be able to make such amazing pies if I’d given up after my first attempts. See the failed cake pic at the top! But it’s really nice to know that I’m not the only one struggling, failing over and over, and still tenaciously holding on, committing, to my dream. 

Because I agree with Kevin Hart, you have to commit if you want to succeed. You’ve got to be willing to put in the hours and energy all without the guarantee that you’ll get something in return. And you’ve got to be willing to do it again and again. 

So many try to write. Most don’t finish that first book. A good chuck that do, get some no’s and don’t do anything with it. Some will put out one book and then walk away. There’s a lot that goes into each individual decision, but I do know that if you give up on your dream there’s no way it’ll happen. 

Yes, you’ll hit times when you’re already down and get more rejections, more fails, and it seems like the entire universe is against you. There’s no easy fix. The best suggestion I have is to celebrate your friends successes. If you notice someone else is struggling, send them an emotional boost, or even a coffee! Lifting up someone else helps take the focus off your own problems, lightens your soul, and can give you energy to keep going. 

Stay committed. Don’t give up.

When goal-setting becomes counterproductive

I used to be a huge goal-setter and plan-maker. Once, during a 16-week technical writing contract that turned out to be pure agony -- I had to physically clock in and wear pantyhose, for the love of everything holy! -- I hand-drew a calendar and gleefully X'd out each completed day. So satisfying! Later, when I managed a department, I had to-do lists and calendars running for twenty or more projects at a time and felt like I was queen of the freakin universe. My personal planning during college was a thing of beauty.

But becoming a writer broke something inside my brain. (At least one thing, you might say.) I don't make plans anymore. I can't. It hurts too much.

As much as folks say you can't take anything personally in this business -- because it's, well, a business -- the near-constant barrage of failure can be traumatic. I've heard of writers making plans to have X number of releases or hit certain lists or write X number of words each day or earn enough to quit the day job, and I'm not saying don't ever do those things. What I'm saying is be prepared for your meticulously laid plans to go sideways with no warning and through no fault of your own. And be prepared for that to happen a lot.

Writing for publishers is notoriously out of writers' control. I've experienced publishers that went out of business, lines that were discontinued immediately after my story was released, publishers that spontaneously decided not to pay out royalties, one series that just stopped abruptly, crap sales, snarky reviews, and anthologies that languished sometimes for years after the contracts were signed.

At the beginning of this writing adventure, of course I made short-term, medium-term, and long-term career plans. I was the queen, remember? I wrote my goals down, affirmed them, created calendars and lists and committed myself whole-heartedly to gettin shit done.

And each time the industry spasmed and one of my stories -- one of my goals -- was affected, I would look at all those intricate plans and see only lists of failures. Irrationally but inevitably I decided these were my failures, and I owned them.

It's not easy to admit, but there were times when the failures became too much, too many, and depression crept in. My critique partner and I went through a lot of similar experiences and took to calling the big D "the pit." We'd text things like "Pit's deep today," and the other would reply with something like, "Yeah, but you're still good. I still believe in you."

So, I don't make goals anymore. I don't have plans in the detailed sense, save one:

I plan to write stories for as long as I am able and
make them available to whomever wants to read them. 

How precisely this master plan goes down is a wide open who-knows. And that's okay.

Who Teaches the Teachers

Happy First Full Day of Summer, northern hemisphere folks. Welcome to winter, southern hemisphere folks.

If anyone wonders whether it is possible to consume too much watermelon whilst celebrating the arrival of summer, the answer is an unreserved yes. Blarg. But hey. One of the perks of Florida. Real watermelon - I mean the huge monsters the size of a toddler. As heavy. And with seeds. The local Mennonite communities farm them and sell them in produce stands all up and down the Tamiami Trail. The melons are sweet and juicy and messy.

And when you have just a little too much, they're a massive stomach ache. But hey! Lycopene. That's my story. I'm sticking to it and I'll likely repeat it tomorrow cause one massive melon between two people means lots of watermelon in the fridge.

When I asked this week's question - How do you level up your writing skills - I may have phrased it badly. It was supposed to garner a resource list of who we all go to in order to learn our craft. I mean, we're all of us here at different stages in our careers. And I like to ask people a few rungs ahead of me on the trail who they learn from. Because if I start studying those people NOW, I'll be challenging my craft and skills all the sooner.  And it really was a CRAFT question, not a marketing question. The internet if rife with people wanting your cash so they can teach you how to sell millions of books, but hurry, this offer ends soon!

Here's my list:
RWA chapter meetings and workshops - these were I learned the basics and it's an amazing place to start.
Critique groups - a healthy crit group brings everyone in it up because you learn from one another's mistakes. I adore the two I have.
Beta readers - beta readers are worth their weight in gold because these are the people who will call you out when you cheat the story or the characters or the reader with lazy writing.
Craft books - doesn't matter which ones. Just start. I try to work through three a year. Doesn't matter who wrote 'em. Doesn't matter if I think I'll hate the book(s). Someone else's take on how a story goes together forces me to stay conscious about what I do. Some days, I think this may not be a good thing. Analysis paralysis is a thing that exists and it's vital to strike a balance between learning new stuff and making yourself nuts. Author know thyself.
Fiction books - readreadreadread. Read for enjoyment. For the sheer pleasure of it. Because as you do, you're learning. I love finding a book that sucks me through beginning to end and then I sit there, frowning, going 'Wait. What the hell just happened there? How'd the author DO that??' I may read the book again to see if I can pick up pointers. Or I may simply move on, secure in the knowledge that no matter what, I learned more about story and character by reading the book.
Paid Classes - this is very much a buyer beware thing. First. You have to have the cash. But suppose you do. All I can suggest is that you follow your interests. What sounds intriguing to you from a writing class standpoint? I will admit to having had mixed results here. Some classes didn't sound interesting and then blew me away with all I don't know. BUT. Whenever you take a class, you learn something - even if what you learn is that what you just paid for isn't for you. It's knowledge. And no one can take that from you. That said, I do NOT think you have to go to paid classes to learn to write. Or even to skill up your writing.

The single best means of skilling up writing is by writing - especially if you take on writing you don't think you're good enough to attempt yet. Keeping one toe over the 'this is comfy' line is a sure way to stretch and grow as a writer.

Which leads me to the greatest teacher of all: Failure. If you can stand one last gaming reference, this is from World of Warcraft when I had a guild leader say: If you aren't failing, you aren't trying hard enough.

So come on into the trenches with me. I'm plowing headlong into failing as hard and as spectacularly as possible.