The Brothers Karamazov set out on an Odyssey with Great Expectations of finding Anna Karenina, whose Pride and Prejudice had led her to refuse the offer from The Catcher In The Rye. After checking her options at The Foundation Trilogy she’d climbed the Dune and was Gone With The Wind.
Peter Rabbit decided to keep her company and they hitched a ride on Revolutionary Road with Ben-Hur. They were making Pilgrim’s Progress while eating The Grapes of Wrath and talking Of Mice and Men.
Little Dorrit saw them thunder past in the chariot and being a girl with Sense and Sensibility, she talked to the Little Women and Little Men about what to do next. Report Anna? Chase Anna? It seemed the Call of the Wild was upon their friend as she fled her past mistakes.
“I think she’s going to Wuthering Heights,” said The Great Gatsby. “We could send The Three Musketeers after her.”
“What started all this?” asked Jane Eyre. “I thought she was content at Northanger Abbey with A Room With A View of the Bleak House and the Mill on the Floss? She assured me she could enjoy A Hundred Years of Solitude there because it was Far From the Madding Crowd, so what changed? Is it The Time of the Plague or what?”
“Our Mutual Friend received The Scarlet Letter from Oliver Twist, telling her A Tale of Two Cities about The Count of Monte Cristo and Tess of the D’Ubervilles having an affair in Paris and London, under her nose.” Dracula winked at Frankenstein and sipped his dark red wine. “Now she’s On the Road and going Around the World in Eighty Days apparently.”
“But her true love since 1984 has been Tom Jones,” said Dorrit. “Ever since he sang in those tight pants at the Animal Farm, remember? She was on a date with The Lord of the Flies but she only had eyes for Tom.”
“It’s a Catch-22 and everyone is Les Miserables all right.” Don Quixote stopped jabbing at Charlotte’s Web. “She needs a Time Machine to return to 1984 and have a do over because The Metamorphosis started then.”
“She’ll run into Moby Dick and end up with The Swiss Family Robinson, or perhaps even Robinson Crusoe,” Candide exclaimed. “The Idiot, going North and South on The Good Earth, with no clear plan.”
“At least she wasn’t Kidnapped.” Don Q ate a crumpet. “This is A Moveable Feast you’ve prepared for us today, Dorrit; my compliments to the chef.”
Smiling, their hostess said, “Frederica took a turn in the kitchen today, right before she left to attend the Cotillion with the Devil’s Cub."
“Everyone should relax and stop being A Confederacy of Dunces. I’ll call The Lord of the Rings and he’ll not only find Anna, he’ll bring her to Washington Square, where Doctor Zhivago can examine her. Then he can advise us in The Remains of the Day what we should do next.” Dracula reached for his cell phone.
Dorrit turned to the only person who had yet to weigh in on their friend Anna’s problems. “What do you think? Are they talking White Noise or are the vampire and Don Q making sense?”