5 Things Akin to Professional Jealousy:
1. Sharting. You can't help but feel it. Best for everyone if you deal with it in private.
2. Using the ice bath in the men's locker room. You come out looking smaller.
3. Swimming afoul of an alligator. You'll either be motivated or consumed.
4. Vaping. Nobody is impressed and you look like a tool.
5. The flu. Keep your snot to yourself. Eventually, you'll get over it.
