This Week's Topic: How Do I Make My Love Scenes Believable?
Man, it's tough being the one to follow Jeffe, who won Romancelandia's most prestigious award for best romance with Pages of the Mind. Her backlist includes holy-hot-stuff fantasy and contemporary erotica. I write "how to 'splode your enemy's head" kind of books; thus, I kinda wanna cheat and just post a "what she said" link.
But, I'm pulling up my ruffled big-girl panties and giving you, dear readers, my $0.04 worth of opinion.
I could be a little shit and say, "I don't write explicit sex scenes," but that would be a lie. I've written 'em, I just haven't tortured the public with them. However, I do write (and have published) scenes of intimacy. They may not be ass-baring, but they are soul-baring. And, yeah, as Jeffe said, the key to believability is to ground the actions, emotions, and personal evolution in the character's character.
In healthy relationships, vulnerabilities are exposed, acknowledged, and treated with care by the partner. In healthy relationships, desires are shared both verbally and physically. In healthy relationships, there's give and take, both in dominance and submission--even during vanilla sex. There's a respect between (or among) partners that--in a medium of show vs tell--is absolutely shown.
By contrast, in unhealthy relationships, the opposite is shown. Deliberate disrepect. Intentional hiding of or trampling over needs. Engagement as a tool of punishment (not kink). Humilation and degradation (again, not as kink). Whether or not anything is being penetrated, the cruel intention spurring the actions is plain.
In the course of a story, the scene of intimacy is used to either advance character development or to demonstrate character self-sabotage. Sure, if you're aiming to write a believable sex scene involving humans, you'll want to avoid portraying the man as an endless fountain of jizz banging on his mate for hours. Chafe is real, and dudes do have to take a break to rest and reload, ya know. 😇
