As a fantasy romance writer (now called romantasy, I guess?) today's topic is near and dear to my heart. While love scenes aren't necessary for a fantasy romance novel, they are common, and I tend to write on the steamier side. Let's just say I've got some experience with writing love scenes--I was actually editing one this week, adding a little more emotional depth and a few key details. I love the way that sex peels back the layers of a character and digs into the dynamics of a relationship. There is nothing more vulnerable than desire, and acting on that desire reveals a lot about a character, both to the reader and to themselves.
So how do I keep them believable? There is a level of general staging to make sure that clothing doesn't suddenly change or disappear, and to ensure the action more or less makes sense. That level has to be handled gracefully to keep the reader in the scene, though how detailed or steamy is more driven by the tone of the story than believability. Beyond the basic mechanics, I tend to focus on the emotions rather than what body parts may or may not be involved.
A kiss can be incredibly powerful and passionate, if the POV character is swept away by it. Some sensory details can heighten the immersiveness of the scene--again especially ones that the POV character has a deep reaction to, or little details that reveal how the other character is feeling.
These days, I am also conscious of consent and modeling good sex practices (including safe sex when technologically appropriate) so I try to incorporate enthusiastic consent into my love scenes. Which honestly isn’t hard because—let’s be real— “yes” and “more” are two of the sexiest words ever, and the kind of characters I’m drawn to write love to hear them.
At the end of the day, believability flows from character, and their motives and emotions. If you have nailed those as an author, then the acts themselves are merely a matter of taste.
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