Goodbye 2023

My husband and I smiling goodbye to 2023!

It’s been a year. I spent countless hours at my kid’s sport events. Read 78 books. Wrote one sci-fi thriller. And I’m excited about 2024. I’ve got goals and I’m going to reach them. 

The new year is right around the corner. It’s a time to look forward in anticipation. It’s also a time that many make resolutions. Resolutions, goals, whatever you want to call them, they’re good motivators. And if you’ve been looking for the push, the thing that’ll energize you, now is a great time to decide that it’s going to happen now. 

A positive mindset can carry you a long way. I was reminded of that as I watched the most recent season of Alone with my family. If you're not familiar with it, it's a reality show from the History Channel that pits people against the wilderness and their own minds as they survive out in the woods alone. The woman who stuck it out to the number two spot was incredibly positive and grateful throughout the experience. She outlasted her competitors, who brought in more game, with berries and a smile. Watching her daily lift her face to the sky reminded me that I want to face 2024 with a grin. 

That’s my plan as I prepare for the new year. I hope your New Year celebration is safe and filled with joy and laughter, but also brings you a good dose of grit for your goals. 

Adjusting Those Variables for the New Year

 

This week at the SFF Seven, we're sharing thoughts about the changing of the year.

I like the reflection the end of one year and the beginning of a new one brings. You all know I'm into metrics, so the end of a year - however arbitrary a measure - provides me with a milestone to group data. I can look back at the past year, compare it to previous years, and make plans for the one ahead. 

Am I a maker of resolutions? Some years more than others, yes, but mostly I look on the process as adjusting my variables for the year ahead. Life is an ongoing experiment this way. We try stuff, see how it works out, then make changes accordingly. This is how all experimentation works: make a hypothesis, test it by gradually adjusting variables, and keep track of the resulting data.

I know a lot of people react negatively to the concept of new year's resolutions, especially given the daunting statistics about them. For example, from this article, after 6 months, only 46% of people who make a resolution are still successful in keeping it, and by the end of the year only 9% feel they are successful in keeping it.

Interesting to me, a third of the people who failed to keep their resolutions didn’t keep track of their progress and another quarter of them forgot about their resolutions. This may sound funny - I laughed! - but it's actually super easy to forget those aspirations in the tumult of daily life. 

One year I tried writing down goals for the coming year and sealing them in envelopes to be opened on New Year's Eve, so I could see how I did. People, I'm telling you: if I hadn't made myself a reminder to open the envelopes, I'd have forgotten they existed! Reading my goals from Past Jeffe of only a year before was truly eye-opening. It almost didn't matter which goals I'd met, exceeded, or fallen short of - simply comparing the reality with my aspirations taught me a great deal.

This is partly why I'm a believer in tracking all kinds of metrics about myself. Remember, a third of the people who failed to keep their resolutions didn't track their progress while another quarter forgot about them! That's 60% of the failures that might have been successes if they'd had daily tracking and reminders. 

So, I'm doing a series on my podcast this week about the metrics I keep - particularly regarding my writing process - along with the how's and why's. Feel free to ask questions! 

And Happy New Year to all!!

Resolutions

Primary goal for 2019: Convince this little lady that she wants to live. We're doing the massive IBD flare thing again and she's stopped eating. Again. Usually we right this ship before a trip to the ER. Not this time. And just as well. She's developing heart disease, so when she was released to come home, she came home with a referral to a cardiologist. So there's that to navigate.

Oh. You meant goals I had actual control over? Fine. Find and reclaim my writer mojo. That's it. That's the goal. Totally specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time sensitive. 

The last two years have been a clu--uh--challenge. I wrote, yes, but published nothing. Which isn't to say there haven't been projects finished. There have. They just weren't quite right. They've stewed enough that I know how to make them right. So getting those fixes in and the stuff published in one form or another is on the list for this year. As is finishing off the SFR series. It may not all get released this year, but if I can get the last draft in the can by end of year, I'll count the year a success. I won't claim to have made my process bullet proof, because in no way do I wish to challenge the universe to prove me wrong. So let's just say I have an adaptive system that has built in guides for getting back on track when life goes pear-shaped.

Armed with my trusty bullet journal, I record my word counts every day and I know precisely how many words I need in order to stay on track. There are built in fudge days because killer migraines and family emergencies happen and I'm one of the lucky ones who gets to care about family emergencies. I won't claim any kind of luck for the killer migraines. I'm still trying to get the insurance company to let me give Aimovig a try. 

Regardless. The year is mapped out. Each story gets a shot. If I keep my word count goals, I'll make a one million word mark with no issue. 

So raise your cup of tea. Here's to a New Year and to finishing what we start.

Vow to ignore the world more

The main thing I’m planning to do in 2019 is ignore the noise. Used to, in the dark ages before DVR and streaming, when we watched live TV, commercials (or adverts, if you’re across the pond) would blare into the interstices, wresting our attention and spoiling our groove. Nowadays we can avoid those ads, but the persistent low hum of mental friction may be worse: 24-hour news, push notifications on my phone, Twitter, Facebook, Insta all e-mailing me constantly to tell me I’ve missed something important. (To be fair, updates from that lady on Twitter who raises sled dogs and posts puppy pictures is SUPER IMPORTANT and don’t keep me from the sled puppy pics don’t you dare.)

I was exhausted and overwhelmed and didn’t even realize it.

Until August, when the cosmos reminded me of the melody in all the noise. August 15 my mom was in a car crash and broke her neck. She had to wear a halo device for four months and couldn’t do much for herself, which as you can imagine was frustrating and heartbreaking. I took care of her for a while, and then my mother-in-law moved closer and we both focused on helping Mom. Between that and all the usual family responsibilities, I didn’t have time to listen to the noise. I didn’t read social media. I didn’t listen to TV news. I didn’t read headlines. I just existed. I did the thing, went to sleep, woke up, and did the thing some more.

And you know what? Even with all that stress of health crises and family drama and pet angst (for the duration, I had five dogs living at my house, all with special diets and diva personalities), my life was, well, not stressless but ... content? Focused, definitely.

And man did I get shit done.

So that’s my chief resolution in 2019: to hear the signal, not the noise. To read, to write, to focus on the things that are important to my tiny circle and let the rest of the world be as crazy as it wants. I can’t fix the crazy. But maybe, if I do the things I’m meant to do, I can add to the melody and with enough of us trying, we can lift music out of the noise.

P.s. — Mom got her halo off about a week before Christmas and is doing really well. I am so, so grateful to still have her around.

Sum Total of the Goals

I hope a bright and happy solstice was had by all and that the forthcoming holidays will also delight you and yours.

Do y'all remember back to January of this year? I only barely do. Apparently, I went on a rant against the abomination that is Western Civilization's obsession with New Year's Resolutions. It was my screed against listing out goals for other peoples' consumption and/or guilt-making. And though I was ranting against the load we seem to want to place upon ourselves with goals and resolutions and all manner of betterment (as if we aren't enough in and of ourselves) it turns out that ranting against goals is actually making them. They went something like this:

1. Pledge to be gentle with yourself - adopt a policy of nonviolence in thought, word, and deed concerning yourself. Seriously. Just listen to how you think at yourself. You will be horrified by what you hear.
2. Make time and space for doing nothing at all. It needn't be much time. Fifteen minutes a day. Not for meditation. Not for reading. Not for yet another course on how to do or be The Thing. To do nothing. Most of us have forgotten leisure and how to be alone.
3. Vow to help someone else. Whether you volunteer on a regular basis or just offer a cup of coffee to the homeless kid on the corner once in a while - totally up to you. But if you want the cure for a bad day, bring a smile to someone else's face.

How'd I do with these? Erm. Uh. Okay? I guess? The first one lasted for maybe a week before I fell back into old, nasty habit. I am still working on that. Too much research in the world proves that negative feedback does not produce results. Being mean and calling yourself names in your head does not do the job you want it to do. It produces little to no motivation. Positive motivations (having something to shoot for that matters to you) is far more productive. Reprogramming one's brain to DO that is not the easiest. Let's call this a work in progress.

I did nail the last two. Self defense on finding time to do nothing. Migraine sufferers know something about that - usually after a major migraine, you spend several hours, one the pain and sickness are gone, just looking around. Going through life gently. Yes. It is in fear of the migraine returning. But the point is that taking a few minutes each day to do nothing is now part of my self-care.

Helping someone else - Ballard has a population of homeless folks. You get to know who they are and you get to know their needs. So making sure that there are extra hot drinks on cold days, or a box of feminine hygiene products left for the young woman on the street with her partner - those things are easy to do. Supporting Best Friends and Big Cat Rescue with 10% of every dime I make is my other thing. But my favorite was seeing a young woman walking the street in the greatest, should be in a movie, velvet trench coat (bright scarlet). I was behind her and her friend. They went into a restaurant. I followed and touched her elbow. The two women turn to look at me. Faces blank. I said, "Truly epic coat." The gal's friend grinned, pumped her and crowed, "Told you!" The young woman in the coat lit up. Lit up so bright it brought tears to my eyes. Dumb, huh? But it happened. I liked that. Think I'll put it on my list for next year - to see if I can make someone's day like that at least once.