The Best Medicine

Your heart pounds so hard it hurts. Your breath rasps. Your mouth is dry. Your blood in your ears roars. Your insides feel scorched by the constant rushes of adrenaline. You might complain about the weight on your chest. 

It's either a heart attack or it's stress. In the US with its pathological worship of busyness, it's probably stress. We've built a society that's really, really good at piling it on and one pathetically bad at releasing it. Science tells us all the time that chronic stress causes and exacerbates disease. It really is in our best interests to figure out how to turn down the dial on stress. 

The funny thing is: Stress evolved to be a lifesaver. Trust humans to turn it into a killer. 

Stress isn't supposed to be a bad thing. It's supposed to help, not harm. But to help, stress needs to be a cycle - a cycle that gets completed. At the dawn of humanity, a critter charged you. Stress dumped flight or fight or freeze chemicals into your body. If you were going to survive, you either ran or you fought. Either way, living meant physical exertion. Once you either defeated or outran the critter trying to turn you into a snack-pack, you returned to your tribe, told your story, and celebrated living another day. Defeating stress in the modern world means recreating those steps. Burnout by Emily and Amanda Nagoski lays out the means of doing just that. 

I'm not going to talk about exercise, because yeah, yeah, we all know. No, I want to focus on that last bit: Celebrating.

What happens when you recount some amazing feat to your friends? Wide eyes, appreciative, empathetic, maybe sympathetic noises from your listeners. Amazement, broad smiles, and laughter when your story concludes with triumph. Or at least with you not being made a chalk outline by some saber-toothed something. 

Laughter. You know. That stuff that's supposed to be the best medicine. Because laughter signals your system that stress is over. It's at an end and the alert system can relax. 

When the stress gets to be too much, I break out the cat toys and the catnip. There's nothing like a bunch of drunk cats butt wiggling and pouncing on string (and one another). Brown paper is also a good source of feline comedy.

If laughter feels too far away, affirm life in some fashion. Our ancestors made art. They drew on cave walls, or put up hand prints - something to say 'we're still here', 'we survived another day'. Watching the last of this season's monarch caterpillars change into butterflies does the job for me. Getting to release a brand new butterfly into the world dumps cold water on stress. It's pretty tough to stay keyed up and agitated when an endangered bit of technicolor beauty takes her first flight.

Reading Yoga

 

Reading Yoga

Destress: What’s one thing you do to keep (or reestablish) your equanimity when life is too much?

If there were one thing we could do to destress…well, we’d all be doing it and thriving! So that’s the thing, it takes more than one trick to keep the stress at bay.

Jeffe gave a great run down on how our bodies are hard wired to respond to threatening situations: alligators. The Mayo Clinic has a nice little post if you’re interested. 

For me, I ignored the alligators for far too long and ended up with a chronic disease. Now I have an arsenal of tools to handle stress. No, they’re not perfect because when you throw some bugs into the system I flare up and then the mental struggle gets real. But here’s my top three bring-it-down-a-level tricks:

Yoga

I’ve mentioned before that I had to relearn how to breathe, here, and doing yoga is my daily reminder to reset. I known I’ll get knocked off my pillow again and again, but I’ll keep getting back on.

Reading

According to my Goodreads I’ve read 127 books so far this year, and I know I’ve got two finished ones sitting on my desk that are awaiting reviewing. Why so high this year? Because I read to escape and when I’m lost in another world or the lives of characters I leave my own stress behind. 

Get Outside

I’m incredibly thankful for my husky pup, Ullr. He makes me get outside—especially when I don’t want to. Inevitably, being out in nature is what I needed. It clears my head.  

I haven’t invented anything new, though I did manage to combine all three for my image for the week. And really, what's better than slow, concentrated movements that improve your health while being swept away into a fantastical world?! Well...regular yoga is great too. 

If you are feeling the pressure I hope you give some of our week’s suggestions a try. Trust me, don’t ignore the alligators. 

Is one of my top three a go-to for you? 

my reading yoga book stack—each one is highly recommended!

3 Tricks to Destress (and Non-Coincidental Release Date Changes)

 

This week at the SFF Seven we're talking destressing. We're asking, "What's one thing you do to keep (or reestablish) your equanimity when life is too much?"

That's always the question, isn't it?

It's especially pertinent for me today because I've been stressing about whether I can get GREY MAGIC, book #3 in Bonds of Magic, written in time for release. See, I've known for a while that I wouldn't make my original release date of December 20. Yes, the December 20 that's nineteen days from this post. I made a deliberate choice there when Agent Sarah asked me to write more on a book she really wanted to take on submission this fall. "I'll just postpone the release date," I thought to myself. Then, yesterday, I was deciding what I should push the date to, as Amazon requires that we change the date at least five days ahead. Yes, that still gives me two weeks, but I wanted to get a feel for that - and if it means I also have to push the release of THE STORM PRINCESS AND THE RAVEN KING. (Reader: I do. Apologies! These things have a cascade effect...) 

So, I was picking my ideal, least-amount-of-stress date when I realized: Amazon only allows us to push the date by 30 days. For those not wanting to do the math, that made the new release date January 19. At first I tried manipulating my schedule and wordcount goals, considering writing on weekends, which I normally take off to relax and refill the well, and then I realized that I would be incredibly stressed trying to do that. I ended up soliciting advice. My plan is to call Amazon and see if they'll grant me dispensation to push both release dates out to a comfortable distance. Apparently they sometimes will, and I stand a good chance as I haven't done this before. Wish me luck! And I'll report back. 

Fair warning: those dates I'll be requesting are mid-February and mid-April, just to give myself plenty of room since I don't want to have to try to change them again. 

Onward to the actual topic!

Stress isn't easy to combat, especially since it can be so insidious. Our neurological systems are built to constantly re-establish baselines, so we can be alerted to new dangers. This means we become inured to the presence of chronic stressors, in order to be aware of acute ones. In essence, we forget about the alligators in the watering hole that are always there, so we can be alert to the arrival of the tiger.

But only our conscious awareness "forgets" about the alligators. Our adrenal system is revved about those stinking alligators, punching up our nervous system every time we take a drink. For modern humans, our alligators are those constant concerns of our lives: money, health, family, deadlines, politics, etc. We think we're not stressed about these things all the time because we're used to it. Often it's only when the stress relents that we become aware of its absence - with sheer, blessed relief.

For me this means being proactive. I make an effort to combat stress even when I don't feel particularly stressed. What do I do?

1) Take deep breaths. I know this may feel like hackneyed advice, but really is the best. Studies have shown we hold our breath when reading emails or when social media notifications arrive. By reminding myself to consciously and conscientiously breathe deeply, I release and fend off stress.

2) Speaking of email and social media notifications, I silence as much as possible. All those pop-ups, pings, and badges? Turn them off! Very little needs our immediate attention. For email, I try to confine my engagement with it to once a day. Much like the paper mail. I treat it like it arrives once and I read and respond then. 

3) I try to be kind to myself, doing those things that others have mentioned here. Yoga is great, not only for the energy realignment and breathing (!), but also because it makes me step away from the phone and computer for an hour and be only in my body. Being outside works for this. Long walks. Reading in the sun. Unplugging and focusing on non-monetized creative tasks.

What do you all do to destress?

Sometimes You Can't Control Your Reaction to Chaos

 What do I do to maintain/reestablish my equanimity when chaos abounds? 

groans
violently rubs face

Dear readers, I'm a classic introvert who suffers greatly from general anxiety and panic attacks. It doesn't take much to destroy my equanimity. I'm a recluse by design. 

As a classic introvert, my first step toward sanity is to claim solitude. Introverts gain energy when they're alone and expend energy in groups. As such, I have to retreat from whatever social/familial demands are draining me. I know my limits and enforce my boundaries. I'm blessed with a family that totally gets it without taking offense. Acquaintances, on the other hand, consider me a haughty bitch or a total nutter. Eh, whatevs. 

Second step, hug a beastie. One of my coping aids for living with general anxiety is my dog. She's accustomed to random snuggle attacks. Aside from a grunt and "hooman, you're hot" groan, she endures until the episode passes. Puppy kisses are included in the services she provides. Dog hair is absolutely part of my regular attire.

In situations where panic is taking hold and I can't escape nor is my dog with me, then it's all about finding a safe place to park my butt, applying the cold compress I always carry with me to my wrists and nape, and practicing measured/controlled breathing. The cold compress helps assuage some of the physical symptoms, while focusing on my breathing and the sensation of cold derails the thought spiral causing the attacks. It's not 100% effective, but it's something.

While I'm easily thrown due to issues that seemingly should be under my control but totally aren't, I've learned that "powering through" often leads to a "mandatory system reset" that takes more time and effort from which to recover. Save the superhuman behavior for true emergencies. Be good to yourself every day. You deserve it. 

Managing stress

 This week's topic is one I'm very fond of, namely how to manage stress. 

Stress will do you in. It can cause writer's block, ulcers, temper tantrums, and, of course, the grumpies. None of which are recommended. 

So what do I do about it?

I read. One of my favorite pastimes.

Or I write. 

Or I pull out the Sculpey and work on a small bust of one of my characters or ideas.

The trick, near as I can figure it, is to do damned near anything to stop thinking so hard. 

Life will crush you down if it gets the chance. There are any number of obstacles between you and your daily, weekly, monthly, yearly and lifetime goals, and there always will be. what is the possible benefit of reward without challenge? Okay, let's be honest, we could all do without the challenges. But they exist just the same. the catch is not to let them crush you, and sometimes I fear we truly are our own worst enemies.

For me, the trick is to just breathe for a while Let it go and focus on one of my hobbies. I'm not all that complicated a soul, really, and I can do without the drama of real life. I'll gladly trade it for the drama of a good story, either told to me or written by me.

A Little Stress Relief: Eight Tips

 

Happy Sunday! I hope you all had a great weekend with your family. This weeks's blog topic is Destress: What's One Thing You Do to Keep Or Re-establish Equanimity When Life Is Too Much? 

This is a timely post going into the new year, but I couldn't narrow it down to one thing. My go-to stress reliever since my kids were small has been a steaming hot bath. Most of the time, I just needed to de-frag and be ALONE, and we all know how hard that is with little ones. Twenty years ago, I had three, sometimes four, kiddos vying for my attention. Hot baths with the door locked saved me many times and still does, maybe because it became such a routine part of my life. Nowadays, I add some Epsom salts to my water and light a candle, and that winds me down like nothing else.

But! I have other stress relievers too. Sometimes a hot bath just isn't enough. When I need to reset my mind and return to that comfortable place I call stasis, I know that I need to either reconnect with nature or declutter/organize my house--or both. I live five minutes from every store you could imagine, and a few hundred thousand other people as well, so getting out in nature usually means I have to make a short drive. But I know when it's needed, and let me tell you, I find a trail, a stream, a park, or I go to our little spot of land on the top of a small mountain here in Tennessee and enjoy the fresh air and that lovely view.

Other times, I need to re-organize my home. Chaos in the home = chaos in me. It took me a long time to realize this, but once I did, and once I addressed it (which was hard with kids), man was it life changing. The act of cleaning/de-cluttering/organizing is a way that I re-set back to stasis. 

Other things I do? Exercise, walk, do a little yoga, or meditate. I recently bought the Asana Rebel app, and I'm enjoying integrating a short yoga practice into my morning routine. I also listen to music for stress relief, and of course, I read. Reading can be harder though, because concentration is a necessity, whereas listening to music requires nothing but plugging in. Music stops negative thinking for me and redirects my brain into creative mode. I get a lot of writing inspiration from music, so it's a cure-all if I need to stop thinking about whatever is stressing me, and I usually get my mind back on writing in the process.

Another big tip for stress relief is something I try to do to maintain equanimity, and that's hydration, electrolytes, and rest. I've read a few studies on the topic of stress and hydration/electrolyte imbalance, but my science degree days are long past. I can, however, vouch for the fact that I just feel better when I'm properly hydrated, drinking electrolytes, and getting proper rest. Good hydration alleviated the constant headaches I used to have along with the accompanying brain fog which created more stress because I couldn't focus.

Electrolytes, for me, are needed because I try to eat anti-inflammatory foods as much as possible, but that means a lot of water loss. I have to stay hydrated and keep the electrolytes going, or I feel awful. And rest? It's critical. I used to struggle to sleep past 4:30am, so 5-6 hours a night was my norm. It wasn't enough. When I'm hydrated and exercising, even if only a 20-minute walk once a day, I rest better, and then I feel much more on top of things the following day. Our brains need hydration and good sleep as much as the rest of our body, so if you feel off-kilter, maybe take a day to get some fluids and just sleep.

The important thing is to know what works for you and then to implement those activities when needed, whether it's an emergency stress reliever or a daily activity that helps keeps stress at bay. I'm all about being preventative versus reactive, but it's important to understand what tactics keep you in stasis and what tactics bring you back to stasis once balance has been compromised. 

I hope you have your own list of stress relievers, and if not, I hope this one gives you some ideas. Stress sucks, and it can quickly siphon the enjoyment from our lives. Here's hoping that you have the tools to fight the battle, and that you win.

Shifting Traditions

Our topic this week was favorite holiday recipes. I'd like to talk about Thanksgiving specifically, instead. I'll get you a recipe or three, I promise. But I spent a lot of time thinking about the holiday this year, because I was this many years old before I discovered that Indigenous peoples view the day as a national day of mourning. I was this many years old before I found out that the traditional 'pilgrims and natives sharing a feast around the same table' was a manufactured fable and that the true historical account is, naturally, much darker. I didn't call off the holiday. We still made once-a-year food. We enjoyed it as a family. But the fact that a broad swath of our Indigenous neighbors spend the day in mourning circled my brain all day.

I don't want Thanksgiving to be rife with guilt. I don't want to cancel the holiday. I want to create a United States that changes an Indigenous Day of Mourning into reason for Indigenous people to celebrate, too. That means working for justice for Indigenous people. It means creating a system and a culture that honors and values Indigenous voices and views. It means voting and it means learning to be an ally to Indigenous activists and voices.

Changing holidays is hard. Ask anyone who's proposed not making the green bean casserole this year. Or who suggested that we don't need mashed potatoes with gravy AND sweet potatoes. Yet, just because those were the dishes that were always on grandmas table, it doesn't mean those foods were on HER grandmother's table. Asking people to change their food is as hard as asking people to change their views. But it can be done. We can acknowledge the dark and horrific history of colonization in this country, sure. But that's not really the point. The point is shifting the power dynamic. Start as small as honoring standing treaties. How'd that be for a new tradition?

Maybe it sounds simple in my head because the fabric of the holidays has been shifting under foot for the past several years. It started over a decade ago when the traditional turkey and oyster dressing started landing me in the ER with a blinding (literally) migraine every single year. Lemme tell you how fast I got over 'tradition'. It shifted further when Mom and I moved to a vegan Whole Food Plant-based diet. It was both an ethical shift and a health shift. I don't need cholesterol meds any more. Did the turkey we made for the guys make me regret my newish diet? Briefly, yes it did. Not enough to sneak a bite, though. Instead, we had a sheet pan dinner from Vegan Richa that includes a lentil and mushroom loaf (very tasty), dressing made from a whole grain spiced buckwheat bread we make, onion gravy, sweet potatoes, and brussels sprouts with onions and mushrooms (her recipe calls for green beans rather than brussels sprouts, but I'm in the 'green beans are a waste of valuable plate real estate' camp. I'd far rather have roasted brussels sprouts. 

And because it's not a holiday without cookies, we found a recipe from My Quiet Kitchen for a Spiced Tahini Oatmeal cookie. I know. I know. Oatmeal cookies are made of cardboard and regret. Especially if there're raisins rather than chocolate chips. These aren't. I swear they aren't. They may never replace sugar cookies and frosting on your holiday table, but for us, they magically taste like a tradition we left behind when we discovered that Mom was so allergic to peanut butter it made her pass out - peanut butter cookies. It's not exact, but damn it's close.  And with a cup of tea? Let's just say there may have been a batch of them made on Wednesday morning that didn't see sun down. Low fat? No. So they aren't likely to make rotation in our  day-to-day diet.

So I'd like my tradition to make fancy food with a heaping helping of working for justice for our Indigenous hosts.

Thankful

 

We should be doing it every day,

and for once we're not talking about reading! We're talking about being thankful. 

We're thankful for readers, fellow writers, friends, family, fur balls, and so much more. May your day be filled with joy! 

Happy Thanksgiving, to our US readers!