Handling Negative Reviews with Poise and Humor

Here's a little tease of the cover of ROGUE FAMILIAR, book 2 in Renegades of Magic, releasing at the end of February. Cover reveal coming soon!

This week at the SFF Seven we're talking about the Mentality of Negative Reviews. Specifically, the person who posed the question asked: do you recognize your fight-or-flight response to negative reviews and do anything to stop it?

I'm including the full text of the question because I'm disagreeing with the initial premise. I don't think I have a stress response to negative reviews. It could be that I've been writing long enough (nearly thirty years *gasp*) that I've become more or less inured to negative reviews. I remember a review of my first book, the essay collection WYOMING TRUCKS, TRUE LOVE, AND THE WEATHER CHANNEL, that was mostly glowing - but also said I used adverbs too much. It came from a professional reviewer at a venue I can't recall, and that was long before I realized that many reviewers are aspiring writers who cling to the "rules" of writing with the tenacity of an apprentice seeking the magic formula to catapult them to true wizard status. Mostly I was surprised that, if my professional, experienced editor at a university press hadn't minded my adverbs, then why did a reviewer? I understand now. I also know more about the weird anti-adverb stance some writers absorb.

Mostly. <- See what I did there? Humor is key.

Anyway. Experiencing a flight-or-fight response to a review means that you feel attacked. I suppose some reviewers intend it that way. They like to speculate about the author's emotional life, intentions, or deadline pressure. Authors are occasionally accused of manipulating readers to extract profit. Sometimes our moral integrity is questioned. But that's all par for the course on social media. I think what's most important for writers to do is separate themselves from their work. YOU didn't receive a negative review; the book did. Even if the reviewer specifically attacks the author, they're still not actually reviewing you as a human being, because they don't actually know you. The author is a construct in their mind that has very little to do with reality. 

Keeping your poise, a sense of yourself as a person separate from the work, and keeping a sense of humor about it all is what gets you through. After all, a review isn't a tiger. No one's going to die over a review. It's fangless, toothless, and ultimately dust in the wind.

 

3 Tricks to Destress (and Non-Coincidental Release Date Changes)

 

This week at the SFF Seven we're talking destressing. We're asking, "What's one thing you do to keep (or reestablish) your equanimity when life is too much?"

That's always the question, isn't it?

It's especially pertinent for me today because I've been stressing about whether I can get GREY MAGIC, book #3 in Bonds of Magic, written in time for release. See, I've known for a while that I wouldn't make my original release date of December 20. Yes, the December 20 that's nineteen days from this post. I made a deliberate choice there when Agent Sarah asked me to write more on a book she really wanted to take on submission this fall. "I'll just postpone the release date," I thought to myself. Then, yesterday, I was deciding what I should push the date to, as Amazon requires that we change the date at least five days ahead. Yes, that still gives me two weeks, but I wanted to get a feel for that - and if it means I also have to push the release of THE STORM PRINCESS AND THE RAVEN KING. (Reader: I do. Apologies! These things have a cascade effect...) 

So, I was picking my ideal, least-amount-of-stress date when I realized: Amazon only allows us to push the date by 30 days. For those not wanting to do the math, that made the new release date January 19. At first I tried manipulating my schedule and wordcount goals, considering writing on weekends, which I normally take off to relax and refill the well, and then I realized that I would be incredibly stressed trying to do that. I ended up soliciting advice. My plan is to call Amazon and see if they'll grant me dispensation to push both release dates out to a comfortable distance. Apparently they sometimes will, and I stand a good chance as I haven't done this before. Wish me luck! And I'll report back. 

Fair warning: those dates I'll be requesting are mid-February and mid-April, just to give myself plenty of room since I don't want to have to try to change them again. 

Onward to the actual topic!

Stress isn't easy to combat, especially since it can be so insidious. Our neurological systems are built to constantly re-establish baselines, so we can be alerted to new dangers. This means we become inured to the presence of chronic stressors, in order to be aware of acute ones. In essence, we forget about the alligators in the watering hole that are always there, so we can be alert to the arrival of the tiger.

But only our conscious awareness "forgets" about the alligators. Our adrenal system is revved about those stinking alligators, punching up our nervous system every time we take a drink. For modern humans, our alligators are those constant concerns of our lives: money, health, family, deadlines, politics, etc. We think we're not stressed about these things all the time because we're used to it. Often it's only when the stress relents that we become aware of its absence - with sheer, blessed relief.

For me this means being proactive. I make an effort to combat stress even when I don't feel particularly stressed. What do I do?

1) Take deep breaths. I know this may feel like hackneyed advice, but really is the best. Studies have shown we hold our breath when reading emails or when social media notifications arrive. By reminding myself to consciously and conscientiously breathe deeply, I release and fend off stress.

2) Speaking of email and social media notifications, I silence as much as possible. All those pop-ups, pings, and badges? Turn them off! Very little needs our immediate attention. For email, I try to confine my engagement with it to once a day. Much like the paper mail. I treat it like it arrives once and I read and respond then. 

3) I try to be kind to myself, doing those things that others have mentioned here. Yoga is great, not only for the energy realignment and breathing (!), but also because it makes me step away from the phone and computer for an hour and be only in my body. Being outside works for this. Long walks. Reading in the sun. Unplugging and focusing on non-monetized creative tasks.

What do you all do to destress?

A Little Stress Relief: Eight Tips

 

Happy Sunday! I hope you all had a great weekend with your family. This weeks's blog topic is Destress: What's One Thing You Do to Keep Or Re-establish Equanimity When Life Is Too Much? 

This is a timely post going into the new year, but I couldn't narrow it down to one thing. My go-to stress reliever since my kids were small has been a steaming hot bath. Most of the time, I just needed to de-frag and be ALONE, and we all know how hard that is with little ones. Twenty years ago, I had three, sometimes four, kiddos vying for my attention. Hot baths with the door locked saved me many times and still does, maybe because it became such a routine part of my life. Nowadays, I add some Epsom salts to my water and light a candle, and that winds me down like nothing else.

But! I have other stress relievers too. Sometimes a hot bath just isn't enough. When I need to reset my mind and return to that comfortable place I call stasis, I know that I need to either reconnect with nature or declutter/organize my house--or both. I live five minutes from every store you could imagine, and a few hundred thousand other people as well, so getting out in nature usually means I have to make a short drive. But I know when it's needed, and let me tell you, I find a trail, a stream, a park, or I go to our little spot of land on the top of a small mountain here in Tennessee and enjoy the fresh air and that lovely view.

Other times, I need to re-organize my home. Chaos in the home = chaos in me. It took me a long time to realize this, but once I did, and once I addressed it (which was hard with kids), man was it life changing. The act of cleaning/de-cluttering/organizing is a way that I re-set back to stasis. 

Other things I do? Exercise, walk, do a little yoga, or meditate. I recently bought the Asana Rebel app, and I'm enjoying integrating a short yoga practice into my morning routine. I also listen to music for stress relief, and of course, I read. Reading can be harder though, because concentration is a necessity, whereas listening to music requires nothing but plugging in. Music stops negative thinking for me and redirects my brain into creative mode. I get a lot of writing inspiration from music, so it's a cure-all if I need to stop thinking about whatever is stressing me, and I usually get my mind back on writing in the process.

Another big tip for stress relief is something I try to do to maintain equanimity, and that's hydration, electrolytes, and rest. I've read a few studies on the topic of stress and hydration/electrolyte imbalance, but my science degree days are long past. I can, however, vouch for the fact that I just feel better when I'm properly hydrated, drinking electrolytes, and getting proper rest. Good hydration alleviated the constant headaches I used to have along with the accompanying brain fog which created more stress because I couldn't focus.

Electrolytes, for me, are needed because I try to eat anti-inflammatory foods as much as possible, but that means a lot of water loss. I have to stay hydrated and keep the electrolytes going, or I feel awful. And rest? It's critical. I used to struggle to sleep past 4:30am, so 5-6 hours a night was my norm. It wasn't enough. When I'm hydrated and exercising, even if only a 20-minute walk once a day, I rest better, and then I feel much more on top of things the following day. Our brains need hydration and good sleep as much as the rest of our body, so if you feel off-kilter, maybe take a day to get some fluids and just sleep.

The important thing is to know what works for you and then to implement those activities when needed, whether it's an emergency stress reliever or a daily activity that helps keeps stress at bay. I'm all about being preventative versus reactive, but it's important to understand what tactics keep you in stasis and what tactics bring you back to stasis once balance has been compromised. 

I hope you have your own list of stress relievers, and if not, I hope this one gives you some ideas. Stress sucks, and it can quickly siphon the enjoyment from our lives. Here's hoping that you have the tools to fight the battle, and that you win.

Books to the rescue!

(from my backyard)

The day started off like any other day; the sun rose and the coffee brewed as the household began to wake. But that’s where the normalcy ended. There weren’t any eggs for breakfast which meant a trip to the store…which meant disinfecting wipes and hand sanitizer…which meant venturing out into the pandemic.

Our world has changed. 

Science fiction writers imagine countless possibilities to countless disasters, but, at least for me, we never expect to live out one of those possibilities. And now we’re living one, COVID-19, that had been written by some and predicted by few. 

Our world has changed, and it’s dumping stats, announcements, warnings, and news stories on us. Schools are moving to distance learning for months, social distancing is our reality, stores are closed, restaurants and cafes are curb-side only. We’re overloaded. 

(overloaded is never good, even if it's just flour)

Though, it’s not all negative. There are clips of Italian opera being sung from balconies, choruses of neighbors joining their voices together from safe distances, and instrumental solos serenading the evening air. We’re human, and we’re defiant. 

We’re fighting back, together. We’re learning how to take care of one another and I believe we’ll be better because of it. That’s the heart of science fiction, battling against the odds and clinging to the aspects that make us human. Together. 

(Ullr standing on the edge of the bank)

If you feel as if you’re standing on the edge, know that you’re not alone, even if no one if physically at your side. And if your walls are closing in and you need an escape…books can be a rescue. They can take you far, far away, or they can take you back in time. Books can take you anywhere you want to go.

Right now, epic fantasy is really hitting the spot for me. Take me away into the trees and mountains where the fearsome are giant trolls or dark mages and not invisible viruses. Do you need a book rescue? Drop a comment and I can make some suggestions.

Remember, you're not alone. Narnia’s in the wardrobe, Hogwarts is just a letter away, and you can spin the Wheel of Time for hours on end!  

How to cheat yourself out of a difficult scene/writer's block.

This week we’re talking about the most difficult scene we’ve ever written. And I really don’t want to talk about it because I don’t have the mental capacity to unbox that at the moment. So, I’m going to cheat!

Cheating’s fun! We do it all the time! That donut in the break room, the extra coffee even though we’ve already had a whole pot, staying up till the wee hours of the morning to finish that Netflix series or book. We cheat in life.

And if you find yourself stuck…writer's blocked…try a cheat! 

*This is for those times you’re simply stuck: can’t think of what to write, can’t figure out how to get your characters from point A to point B, can’t get the words on the page. 

Are you wondering how to cheat at writing? It’s as easy as reaching for that glazed old-fashioned. Simply fill in a sentence or two, or however many it takes, to warp-speed you to the next scene that formulates in your head or the next plot point in your summary.

YMMV, but when I’m stuck with writer’s block I just need to find a way past that sticky point because my brain is what’s stuck on that scene, those details that don’t fit, or that plot hole that I can’t see yet but my subconscious knows is there. 

By cheating, I give my brain a pass to move on and return to production state. By cheating, I’m giving myself a bandaid that will eventually fall off, because those dang things never stay on long enough, but by the time it slips free it’s usually because I’ve found the source of the plot hole or character inconsistency and fixed it. By cheating, I take away the stress. Did you get that? It takes away the stress which is the biggest road block of anything, mentally and physically. Get rid of the stress and everything opens up.

An example? I was writing THE MARS STRAIN and my MC, Juliet, had to end up at the CDC with the Martian virus. But!!! I didn’t know how to get her there. Stuck. Stuck. Stuck. I wasted a month staring at my computer screen, trying to write and ending up with a handful of words or some nifty new adjectives. 

Then, I decided to glaze over the details on how she got to Atlanta and focus on what she’d be feeling when she got there. So I wrote, and Juliet had a breakdown, a full-on sob fest breakdown from the stress of fighting the Strain, losing her best friend, and possibly losing the man she loves. And then I knew exactly what had to happen before she reached the CDC!

Game over writer’s block! I’d broken through and all it took was a little cheating. 

Go ahead! Give it a try! Reach for that cake donut, toss a couple glaze-over-sentences in that WIP and move on! 

(Which totally has me craving one right now…I’m going to have to convince my wonderful, amazing husband that it’s time to whip up a batch. Since I can’t eat store bought ones the only donuts I get are his made with organic heritage wheat. Jon, you’ve been warned!)