Sometimes You Can't Control Your Reaction to Chaos

 What do I do to maintain/reestablish my equanimity when chaos abounds? 

groans
violently rubs face

Dear readers, I'm a classic introvert who suffers greatly from general anxiety and panic attacks. It doesn't take much to destroy my equanimity. I'm a recluse by design. 

As a classic introvert, my first step toward sanity is to claim solitude. Introverts gain energy when they're alone and expend energy in groups. As such, I have to retreat from whatever social/familial demands are draining me. I know my limits and enforce my boundaries. I'm blessed with a family that totally gets it without taking offense. Acquaintances, on the other hand, consider me a haughty bitch or a total nutter. Eh, whatevs. 

Second step, hug a beastie. One of my coping aids for living with general anxiety is my dog. She's accustomed to random snuggle attacks. Aside from a grunt and "hooman, you're hot" groan, she endures until the episode passes. Puppy kisses are included in the services she provides. Dog hair is absolutely part of my regular attire.

In situations where panic is taking hold and I can't escape nor is my dog with me, then it's all about finding a safe place to park my butt, applying the cold compress I always carry with me to my wrists and nape, and practicing measured/controlled breathing. The cold compress helps assuage some of the physical symptoms, while focusing on my breathing and the sensation of cold derails the thought spiral causing the attacks. It's not 100% effective, but it's something.

While I'm easily thrown due to issues that seemingly should be under my control but totally aren't, I've learned that "powering through" often leads to a "mandatory system reset" that takes more time and effort from which to recover. Save the superhuman behavior for true emergencies. Be good to yourself every day. You deserve it. 

Managing stress

 This week's topic is one I'm very fond of, namely how to manage stress. 

Stress will do you in. It can cause writer's block, ulcers, temper tantrums, and, of course, the grumpies. None of which are recommended. 

So what do I do about it?

I read. One of my favorite pastimes.

Or I write. 

Or I pull out the Sculpey and work on a small bust of one of my characters or ideas.

The trick, near as I can figure it, is to do damned near anything to stop thinking so hard. 

Life will crush you down if it gets the chance. There are any number of obstacles between you and your daily, weekly, monthly, yearly and lifetime goals, and there always will be. what is the possible benefit of reward without challenge? Okay, let's be honest, we could all do without the challenges. But they exist just the same. the catch is not to let them crush you, and sometimes I fear we truly are our own worst enemies.

For me, the trick is to just breathe for a while Let it go and focus on one of my hobbies. I'm not all that complicated a soul, really, and I can do without the drama of real life. I'll gladly trade it for the drama of a good story, either told to me or written by me.

A Little Stress Relief: Eight Tips

 

Happy Sunday! I hope you all had a great weekend with your family. This weeks's blog topic is Destress: What's One Thing You Do to Keep Or Re-establish Equanimity When Life Is Too Much? 

This is a timely post going into the new year, but I couldn't narrow it down to one thing. My go-to stress reliever since my kids were small has been a steaming hot bath. Most of the time, I just needed to de-frag and be ALONE, and we all know how hard that is with little ones. Twenty years ago, I had three, sometimes four, kiddos vying for my attention. Hot baths with the door locked saved me many times and still does, maybe because it became such a routine part of my life. Nowadays, I add some Epsom salts to my water and light a candle, and that winds me down like nothing else.

But! I have other stress relievers too. Sometimes a hot bath just isn't enough. When I need to reset my mind and return to that comfortable place I call stasis, I know that I need to either reconnect with nature or declutter/organize my house--or both. I live five minutes from every store you could imagine, and a few hundred thousand other people as well, so getting out in nature usually means I have to make a short drive. But I know when it's needed, and let me tell you, I find a trail, a stream, a park, or I go to our little spot of land on the top of a small mountain here in Tennessee and enjoy the fresh air and that lovely view.

Other times, I need to re-organize my home. Chaos in the home = chaos in me. It took me a long time to realize this, but once I did, and once I addressed it (which was hard with kids), man was it life changing. The act of cleaning/de-cluttering/organizing is a way that I re-set back to stasis. 

Other things I do? Exercise, walk, do a little yoga, or meditate. I recently bought the Asana Rebel app, and I'm enjoying integrating a short yoga practice into my morning routine. I also listen to music for stress relief, and of course, I read. Reading can be harder though, because concentration is a necessity, whereas listening to music requires nothing but plugging in. Music stops negative thinking for me and redirects my brain into creative mode. I get a lot of writing inspiration from music, so it's a cure-all if I need to stop thinking about whatever is stressing me, and I usually get my mind back on writing in the process.

Another big tip for stress relief is something I try to do to maintain equanimity, and that's hydration, electrolytes, and rest. I've read a few studies on the topic of stress and hydration/electrolyte imbalance, but my science degree days are long past. I can, however, vouch for the fact that I just feel better when I'm properly hydrated, drinking electrolytes, and getting proper rest. Good hydration alleviated the constant headaches I used to have along with the accompanying brain fog which created more stress because I couldn't focus.

Electrolytes, for me, are needed because I try to eat anti-inflammatory foods as much as possible, but that means a lot of water loss. I have to stay hydrated and keep the electrolytes going, or I feel awful. And rest? It's critical. I used to struggle to sleep past 4:30am, so 5-6 hours a night was my norm. It wasn't enough. When I'm hydrated and exercising, even if only a 20-minute walk once a day, I rest better, and then I feel much more on top of things the following day. Our brains need hydration and good sleep as much as the rest of our body, so if you feel off-kilter, maybe take a day to get some fluids and just sleep.

The important thing is to know what works for you and then to implement those activities when needed, whether it's an emergency stress reliever or a daily activity that helps keeps stress at bay. I'm all about being preventative versus reactive, but it's important to understand what tactics keep you in stasis and what tactics bring you back to stasis once balance has been compromised. 

I hope you have your own list of stress relievers, and if not, I hope this one gives you some ideas. Stress sucks, and it can quickly siphon the enjoyment from our lives. Here's hoping that you have the tools to fight the battle, and that you win.

Shifting Traditions

Our topic this week was favorite holiday recipes. I'd like to talk about Thanksgiving specifically, instead. I'll get you a recipe or three, I promise. But I spent a lot of time thinking about the holiday this year, because I was this many years old before I discovered that Indigenous peoples view the day as a national day of mourning. I was this many years old before I found out that the traditional 'pilgrims and natives sharing a feast around the same table' was a manufactured fable and that the true historical account is, naturally, much darker. I didn't call off the holiday. We still made once-a-year food. We enjoyed it as a family. But the fact that a broad swath of our Indigenous neighbors spend the day in mourning circled my brain all day.

I don't want Thanksgiving to be rife with guilt. I don't want to cancel the holiday. I want to create a United States that changes an Indigenous Day of Mourning into reason for Indigenous people to celebrate, too. That means working for justice for Indigenous people. It means creating a system and a culture that honors and values Indigenous voices and views. It means voting and it means learning to be an ally to Indigenous activists and voices.

Changing holidays is hard. Ask anyone who's proposed not making the green bean casserole this year. Or who suggested that we don't need mashed potatoes with gravy AND sweet potatoes. Yet, just because those were the dishes that were always on grandmas table, it doesn't mean those foods were on HER grandmother's table. Asking people to change their food is as hard as asking people to change their views. But it can be done. We can acknowledge the dark and horrific history of colonization in this country, sure. But that's not really the point. The point is shifting the power dynamic. Start as small as honoring standing treaties. How'd that be for a new tradition?

Maybe it sounds simple in my head because the fabric of the holidays has been shifting under foot for the past several years. It started over a decade ago when the traditional turkey and oyster dressing started landing me in the ER with a blinding (literally) migraine every single year. Lemme tell you how fast I got over 'tradition'. It shifted further when Mom and I moved to a vegan Whole Food Plant-based diet. It was both an ethical shift and a health shift. I don't need cholesterol meds any more. Did the turkey we made for the guys make me regret my newish diet? Briefly, yes it did. Not enough to sneak a bite, though. Instead, we had a sheet pan dinner from Vegan Richa that includes a lentil and mushroom loaf (very tasty), dressing made from a whole grain spiced buckwheat bread we make, onion gravy, sweet potatoes, and brussels sprouts with onions and mushrooms (her recipe calls for green beans rather than brussels sprouts, but I'm in the 'green beans are a waste of valuable plate real estate' camp. I'd far rather have roasted brussels sprouts. 

And because it's not a holiday without cookies, we found a recipe from My Quiet Kitchen for a Spiced Tahini Oatmeal cookie. I know. I know. Oatmeal cookies are made of cardboard and regret. Especially if there're raisins rather than chocolate chips. These aren't. I swear they aren't. They may never replace sugar cookies and frosting on your holiday table, but for us, they magically taste like a tradition we left behind when we discovered that Mom was so allergic to peanut butter it made her pass out - peanut butter cookies. It's not exact, but damn it's close.  And with a cup of tea? Let's just say there may have been a batch of them made on Wednesday morning that didn't see sun down. Low fat? No. So they aren't likely to make rotation in our  day-to-day diet.

So I'd like my tradition to make fancy food with a heaping helping of working for justice for our Indigenous hosts.

Thankful

 

We should be doing it every day,

and for once we're not talking about reading! We're talking about being thankful. 

We're thankful for readers, fellow writers, friends, family, fur balls, and so much more. May your day be filled with joy! 

Happy Thanksgiving, to our US readers!

Black FaRoFriday Fantasy Romance Readathon!

Love romantic fantasy and fantasy romance? Because it's U.S. Thanksgiving - and Black Friday, the apparently now global celebration of our worldwide religion: consumerism - the FaRo gals are sponsoring a readathon!! Details here, with reading lists and templates for participating. As a bonus (and sacrifice to the deities of consumerism) all of these books are on deep sale!

My DARK WIZARD is on sale for only 0.99c! 

This is a great time to grab this first in the Bonds of Magic series as a standalone novella in the world, Familiar Winter Magic, will be out December 22 in the FIRE OF THE FROST anthology, and book 3, in the series, GREY MAGIC, now has a cover and will be out in January! 

New Urban Fantasy Release: THE HERALDED SPY by K.A. Krantz

I'm tickled pink--no, not by the wintry blustery winds--to share the series finale of the Immortal Spy Urban Fantasy series with you! The seventh book marks the end of the adventures of Bix and the Berserkers in what has been a fun series to write. While I'm sad to say farewell to some of my favorite characters, I have to admit to feeling pretty gosh darn good about completing the series. So, without further ado, here it is, the last book:

THE HERALDED SPY
The Immortal Spy, Book 7, Series Finale

The heralds presage the arrival of unmitigated power.

War escalates in the Mid Worlds as the champion and caretakers fight to save their home from the onslaught of invading anti-gods. While the armies clash on battlefields, Bix targets the enemy’s leadership to negotiate their retreat for now and evermore.

Parley is the key to salvation, but the opposition refuses to answer the invitation. With her teammates abducted, her consort imprisoned, and the defense system sabotaged, Bix will finally claim every iota of her primordial magics to bring the enemy to heel…or to break them on the thorns of her wrath.

The heralds warn of fools who force the hand of the High Executioner.

BUY IT NOW:

Amazon (affiliate link) | Apple Books | B&N | Kobo | Google Play

Cold Weather Tea

This week’s post topic is to share a favorite Thanksgiving food or drink recipe. I decided to share a drink that I grew up with: Fruit Tea. It’s so good, and perfect for sipping on a cold night with a book in hand. 

I've been finding this fruit tea already made in my local Publix grocery store, which is amazing. My mom actually called it Russian Tea, and after she passed, we realized we didn't have her recipe. There was a Tang recipe that floated around many years ago (and still floats around) that's similar, but it isn't the way my mom made her tea. After some digging though, I found her version. This is my slightly modified recipe from AllRecipes.Com.

Here’s what you’ll need:

• 3 family-sized tea bags (Black tea is best for this recipe--I like mine strong)

• 1 quart boiling water

• 1½ quarts water 

• 6 whole cloves 

• 2 - 4 cinnamon sticks (up to you)

• 1 (12 ounce) can pineapple juice 

• 1.5 cups white sugar 

• 1 teaspoon ground allspice

• 1 (6 ounce) can frozen orange juice concentrate 

• 1 (6 ounce) can frozen lemonade concentrate

Steep the tea bags in boiling water for 5 minutes, then remove. Next, combine 1 1/2 quarts water, cloves, and cinnamon together in a large pot and bring to a boil. Stir brewed tea, pineapple juice, sugar, orange juice concentrate, lemonade concentrate, and allspice into the boiling water to dissolve the sugar. This recipe is great served hot, but it's also yummy served cold. I refrigerate any leftovers (with the cinnamon sticks and cloves left in for added flavor) and drink in the mornings as well! Let me know if you give this recipe a try, and Happy Thanksgiving! ~ Charissa