Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Giving Writers A Hand (Possibly the Wrong Hand)

How do I help writers--newer to the game than I am--find their footing?

  1. I encourage them to publicly comment on Authors Behaving Badly, then cackle madly as they're buried under the inevitable blowback. 
  2. I dispatch my beloved raven to visit their favorite writing retreat, persistently tapping, as if someone gently rapping, rapping upon their chamber door and shrieking, "Never More Words for You!"
  3. I unleash the stealth earworm so the wisp of that genius plot-thought with which they awoke is forever forgotten, replaced by a dancing digital hamster.
  4. I introduce them to the Rules Makers and the Rules Breakers cabals, then whisper about the gatekeeper conspiracy while secretly signing them up for the Million In A Month newsletters.
  5. I invented the slush pile and social media.

I'm off to dispatch muses to the wrong locations and leave one-star reviews about publisher-determined prices.

*Disclaimer:  I lie a lot. Writing fiction is the most legal use of that skill.