Friday, July 16, 2021

Stupid Human Trick Glory Days

 My stupid human trick is a thing of the past. It was the product of a 20-something body and excessive physical conditioning. It was also performed for an audience during a cabaret night at Cornish College of the Arts. I hadn't volunteered, I assure you. I still don't know who put my name in the box, but two of my classmates, Scottie and Brendan, were MCing. Yeah. I absolutely suspect one of them. 

At any rate, throughout the evening, between different acts, Scottie and Brendan would pull a name from the box. The stupid human trick was also listed. So each of us called upon performed. There was no demurring. We were students in an acting conservatory. Pretending we weren't egocentric showoffs just wasn't going to fly.

My stupid human trick was crossing and interlocking my legs, fitting my forearms through that interlocked cross, and walking on my hands. Up stairs and back down. I think it's on video somewhere. A video I hope never surfaces. 

I was doing 12.5 hours of hard physical conditioning per week between stage combat classes and dance classes. I was 15lbs lighter, and, as mentioned, I was much younger. At this point in my life, I won't be 15 lbs lighter until six months after I die. So the ship of that stupid human trick has sailed.

I'll just have to come up with another one that won't land me in a local emergency department. . . 

Edit: I'm back. I'm back because when the DH asked what this week's topic was, he reminded me that I have a few other stupid human tricks up my sleeve. I take them for granted because they weren't learned tricks like the one above was. So here they are:

1. I can stand on point without toe shoes and without blowing out my feet or my ankles. 

2. From standing, I can squat all the way to the floor without ever lifting my heels from the ground. 

These, I suspect are genetic relics bequeathed to me from a long line of stolid Scottish farmer stock. Who else would need cast iron ankles?